tooclosetoyou

Juli

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One Look by tooclosetoyou, literature

No by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

No

Can you take this seriously? My life is in your hands Did you laugh when I turned my back Did I interfere with your plans You see me as a puppet A game you like to play No more fun for you dear friend I'm just another lay You always wanted more Than I was willing to give You came inside me, tore me up My body like a sive No trust, no time, no chance at all To speak or say or scream No way to stop the inevitable That horrible, sickening dream I feel the vomit in my mouth The tears that flooded my eyes The sound of tearing clothes and flesh The resonating lies There is no way you're human A heart, it cannot pound Blood so

Plague by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

Plague

If I may say so You are not so good Do not think you have any right You judge me without knowing Stop for a second Look back Hurt, please pretty pretty please If I may say so You may not berate me You are no better than I Perhaps you are stronger Wait for a moment Think about it Cry, please pretty pretty please If I may say so You've caused your share of pain In my defence You made me this way Hold on a while Feel something real Fear, please pretty pretty please If I may say so You make me sick I don't want to care anymore You are not worth it I'm finished now You are a disease Go, please pretty pretty please

Original Sin by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

Original Sin

And then you looked at me Or was it you looking through me? I felt something stab a million daggers into my core Or were those your hands? Wait for it because it will be better You are my apple What I wouldn't give to peel back your skin And taste what's underneath You are so awkward You are not pretty Your body is just a body But your smile is kind And that awkwardness is sexy I can't not look at you And you won't stop touching me I don't want you to You are still my apple Why this temptation? My test? Will there be more? You can trust I know it's wrong to pick it So red and shinny The saliva pooling in the backs of my c

A guide to tears by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

A guide to tears

When that tear first appears And you catch that glint in my eye To blink would start something Are you afraid yet? Slow motion, eyes closed, moisture in the corner Are you still there? It's coming now, i feel it on my nose, on my cheek If I open my eyes will you look at me? Run into my mouth salty tear Do you have something to say? What do you need from me I need these tears Are you afraid yet? I'll tear down this wall for you Perhaps you don't want to see the other side I'm afraid to open my eyes Push it down push it down You stayed...why did you stay when even I wanted to leave They are flowing now I won't hold back For

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for you... by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

for you...

Behind my eyes I keep you Only for me, always No boasts, no agony sweet sweet A child Soul so pure and wanting You play so well We are how it should be, still I want it craving grasping A fantasy so intense so good You and the back of my neck strong hands for A child lips softer, reaching, moisten sweet sweet touch you, touching you I want to show you God I could teach you make you feel more more more hairs on my arms tingle yours wrap around me I can't sweet boy I would you would feel feel more

floe by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

floe

You fall into it one day And then you fall in love with it At once it becomes your dream Soon it's your life One day it starts to consume you Before you know it , it overtakes you Suddenly it's all you know So quickly it's all you want And it starts to hurt you And it begins to break you Suddenly you start to resent it Before you know it, you start to hate it One day it fades right out It's what you fell it love with It's what you thought you chose You try your hardest to fight it You fall in love with it all over You can't help it It chose you

That June by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

That June

That nervous excited feeling is beginning to kick in once again. Why does that always happen? As much as you know you need to do something and that you will feel so much better for it, it's still so hard to go. I know he'll be here when I get back, he has to be. I'll be starting from scratch and I need him to be by my side. I wish he could always be there, holding my hand. Even just once, just to see how it feels to be touched by him. Why didn't I tell him the truth when I had the chance. Now I have to pretend again...I'm so tired of pretending.

That June june 6, 2001 1:54am by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

That June june 6, 2001 1:54am

Six hours till my cab gets here. Why si he all I can think about? Danny michel isn't helping right now...Elgin Ave, he sang it to me that night. God why does this boy do this to me. Are the next 3 weeks going to be like this cause I can't do it if they are. Scared, melt, bones, fake, words always between him and I. An old fashioned to be man. He's tried so hard and I love him for it. Will he miss me? I hope so. He cares about me and taht feels so good. I can't believe how much that song melt is so me and him. The whole part about not moving for 2 cd's...and hig guitar etc. I'm consumed and there is so much more I want to explore. Who can I g

That June june 6, 2001 10:15am by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

That June june 6, 2001 10:15am

So here I am sitting at departure gate 80 and I can't seem to get rid of that queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm not sure if it's coming or going that's making me feel this way...maybe it's a bit of both. Why am I listening to this CD? why aren't I crying? I want to cry real tears again. I haven't in so long. I feel as if tears are in order and that they would make it all better right now. My minds is running away with ideas of perfection and dissapointment. communicaltion, reciprocation, conssumation. What am I missing? Was I, am I all talk? WAs it everyone else that produced these feelings? We spoke of outside envolvement and

That June june 6,2001 3:30pm by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

That June june 6,2001 3:30pm

Ferry time. Queaziness still sits in the pit of my tummy. My head is killing me, my body is breaking down. anxious now. The boat seems slower than usual and time ticks on. Waiting, travelling, anticipating all over again. It's beautiful though. I wish you were here with me..."you love me, you just don't know it yet" Those words make the mountains shine as the scean seems so calm. You would love it here. Gulls frlying oever open waters, amazing, even clouds have never seemed so beautiful. They touch the tips of the mountains so gently, surene and so surreal. It's like I enver left. It's like you just an idea in my head. this place chang

That June june 9,2001 12:24am by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

That June june 9,2001 12:24am

Now that I'm here it's almost as if toronto doesn't even exist. That life I live is all just a dream. something concocted in my head. it's like this life in Port is my life, end of story. I know that that's not true, that there's more to me. I need to talk to one of them, anyone just to bring me back to earth and out of this confusion. I need a reality. Can I make myself one or do I need to be told? What am I running from, or to? God I wish I knew what direction I was going in. I'm soscared right now, I feel so alone....Dad. Oh please take care of him, make him better. I don't know what i'd do without him. Don't take the man I love m

That June june 10 01 12:45 am by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

That June june 10 01 12:45 am

It's funny how 16 I feel being back here in this house, in this room. Seen old people, brings memories back. Seeing my past, it comforts me. So much of the present doesn't seem real. All my friends feel so far away from me, ooing back seems odd now that I"m here. I feel like my life never happened. I miss him, I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call him but something is stopping me. Fear perhaps. I'm missing him but with the past coming back it's hard, especially with dad. It's funny being back and the turn your mind takes. Two different worlds. I have to laugh or I'll cry.

That June june 14,01 12:34 am by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

That June june 14,01 12:34 am

Now that i'm here it's like i've never been anywhere else. Like I never left. Perhaps this time away will help, but I feel so out of the loop. I worry I wont fit back in when I go back. It's silly I know but little things get to me. I havent' talked to him...a call from him is exactly what I need right now to get my reality back. Even when I close my eyes I can't imagine home, or what I now call home. I hate this town, for the person it makes me and the people that do it to me. If they only knew the real me...whoever that is. I think it's me away from here, free from all the gossip all the shit. It's kinda wierd not having Dad around

That June june 16,01 11:51pm by tooclosetoyou, literature

Literature

That June june 16,01 11:51pm

For al lthe times when he made me so angry. I long for those again. To have him rant and rave at me for not cleaning my room or leaving dirty dishes in the sink. For all the times he held me when I cried and told me that that guy wasn't worth it anyway. for all the times I him so proud and all the times I was so glad that he was my dad and nobody else. I always will be thankful for him and everything he's done for me and the person he has helped me become. He has been my inspiration for so much. My whole life. All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me...I think he was. And right now at this very moment as he's lying on the other si

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About tooclosetoyou

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Canada
Deviant for 17 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Current Residence: Parksville BC
Favourite genre of music: Any thing I can dance to
Favourite cartoon character: Jessica Rabbit
Personal Quote: I look down because I'm a rebel, afraid of my own power

Favourite Visual Artist

Rafuse, Klimt

Favourite Movies

Clerks, the never ending story

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Jane Sibery, The Killers, Phillip Glass

Favourite Writers

Anne-Marie MacDonald, Douglas Coupland, Mitch Albom

Favourite Games

Monopoly, Jenga, Kevin's new Wii

Tools of the Trade

Wit

Other Interests

Dancing, singing, acting, music, reading, running, hanging out with my new baby

Posts

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tooclosetoyou

Feb 6, 2007

That was our show...

0 min read

it's for real..it's done.  The show is finished.  Feels a little sad not to see everyone tonight.  I know that we'll all keep in touch though, i have a good feeling about it.  The closing show was phenomenal, I've never felt better on stage and the party was a blast.  5am and I are not very good friends though let me tell you that! Especially when Charlotte was up at 7:15..ugggg.  Anyways auditions for guys and dolls are this weekend.  Hopefully some of the crew will come out to them.  Missing you all terribly!

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tooclosetoyou

Feb 2, 2007

Oh sad

0 min read

Only 2 more shows till we're done our run of Urinetown the Musical.  I'm happy to have more time, but so sad that it's over.  We are such a little family, I've seen my fellow actors more in these past few months, espcially the past few weeks than I have my entire family.  It's hard to believe that we all won't be together come sunday morning.  And everyone, well almost, is so cool and fun and I love them sooooo much.  So yes it's a little bitter sweet.

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tooclosetoyou

Jan 26, 2007

What day is it?

0 min read

We opened our show last night.."urinetown" and it went quite well.  I've spent the last week in the theatre and I always feel a false sense of reality while doing a show. It's always dark and you're in character and you have no attachment to the outside world.  I feel like i'm someone else when i'm in the theatre, it's cool but also a little unnerving.  I lose total track of time and space.  Then I get home and reality hits me in the face like a wrecking ball.  I love it though,  so much it's a bit ridiculous.  Yay shows! In other news my baby rocks and she is soooo cute right now. totally giggling these days which is about the coolest thing

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Profile Comments 8

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hello

Juli I love you and respect you. Although a acting and musical directors are important, they are not creating original work for the show like you, the chorographer, are!
Everyone needs to take a breather and realize the glory of Juli Martell!